15 February 2018

How to talk to your daughter about her body


How to talk to your daughter about her body - step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Don't say anything if she's lost weight. Don't say anything if she's gained weight.

If you think your daughter's body looks amazing, don't say that. Here are some things you can say instead:

"You look so healthy!" is a great one.

Or how about, "You're looking so strong."

"I can see how happy you are -- you're glowing."

Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.

Don't comment on other women's bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.

Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.

Don't you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don't go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don't say, "I'm not eating carbs right now." Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.

Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that's a good thing sometimes.

Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you'll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn't absolutely in love with.

Prove to your daughter that women don't need men to move their furniture.

Teach your daughter how to cook kale.

Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.

Pass on your own mum's recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake.

Pass on your love of being outside.

Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.

Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilise her beautiful soul.

~ Sarah Koppelkam

01 February 2018

NZ PM

New Zealand Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, is having a baby with a man she's not married to and he's going to be a stay at home dad while she runs the country. About bloody time these archaic gender roles were lost. Welcome to 2018. Welcome to the New World Order. It's like Times Up on a lot of issues.

20 January 2018

Be proud, not just grateful

I get the whole “attitude of gratitude”. I get that we need to thankful and feel blessed. I get that sometimes as women we feel unworthy or maybe even a bit embarrassed about something good happening to us, hence we turn to words like gratitude and blessed to describe our good fortune.

But we can also allow ourselves to feel proud of the accomplishment.

And sometimes as women we struggle a bit to say how proud we are of ourselves.

A year or so ago, I had the opportunity to put together a bunch of podcasts, where we I spoke to small business owners about how they got started, the challenges they faced, and the best parts of being self-employed.

It was a fantastic project and in my top five career-wise. And I’m not blessed nor grateful for its terrific outcomes.

I’m proud. I worked bloody hard on that project. It was an idea that had been unable to find traction and I was brought in to make it happen. One of my favourite things to do - make things happen.

The final product was great, and really well received. So I’m proud.

Likewise my daughter, without question my greatest accomplishment in life. She’s a 26 year old women who is moving comfortable in her own skin, setting her own agenda and defying societal norms.

She’s travelled the world extensively as a humanitarian, volunteers with her church endlessly, radiates sunshine on the greyest of days and hugs you like she’ll never let you go. She’s phenomenal. Just one of the greatest people on earth and without question my favourite human.

I’m proud of her. I’m not blessed to have a daughter who is independent, and I’m not grateful to have a daughter who travels on the coordinates of her own map.

I’m proud. I raised her to think freely, to avoid conforming, be courageous and to follow her heart. She’s doing exactly that, and I’m proud.

It’s ok to be grateful but it’s also ok to be proud.

And please, just ask yourself this - how many males do you see posting to instagram with #sograteful ??

Huh?


















14 January 2018

Kath Rose's Facebook post 14.1.18

Funniest read on Facebook today.

This is one for the mums.

I challenge you not to a) relate b) laugh c) share

Kath Rose is a Brisbane PR maven (you will probably spot her promoting the Jan Powers Farmers Markets), on-point realist, total fashion groover and all round very funny lady.

She wrote this on FB today and I literally gasped for air at its hilarity and correctness.

Thank you Kath xo

---

Today I swam 16 laps – well in saying “swam” what I mean is that I made it up and down the pool 16 times in a mashup of freestyle, breaststroke, kick boarding and a survival-type stroke that’s yet to be identified.

As an aside: I am pretty sure the Newmarket Pool is actually 200m long; not the 50m it purports to be so I have asked for a re-measure.

While I was recovering for an hour or so, I watched humanity converge to keep cool, mostly families, and made some interesting observations I had long forgotten; I’ll call it ……

HOW KIDS INTERPRET WHAT THE MUM SAYS….
.
1. Don’t run on the concrete: this is basically a starter’s gun to run like an Afghani-rebel.

2. Come away from the edge of the pool: push your little sister in and see #1 above.

3. Put your rashie on before you get wet: do the kiddies version of a nudie run around the perimeter of the pool. Couple of times. Encourage mum to give chase.

4. Let me get this sunscreen on you: method-act immediately a butter-covered eel in death throes.

5. Please share the kickboard with your sister: erect an electric fence around said kickboard, and strike like a brown snake if anyone comes near it.

6. Please stay where we can see you: immediately attempt a new world record for holding your breath at the bottom of the pool.

7. Stay out of the lap lanes, those people are professionals: become a human yo yo in and out of the lap lane, only just dodging the swimmers like Maverick did with the MIG 28 in Top Gun.

8. Come and have some oranges I brought from home: scream like a banshee about needing a Calippo and possibly a Magnum Gold; stamp those teeny tiny feet and make sure real tears fall. If all fails, hold your breath, and resort again to #1 above.

9. There’s a water bubbler over there, you don’t need Fiji water: faint immediately.

10. Please don’t use that language: automatically substitute fuck for duck and start a game of Duck Duck Goose. In the water. In the middle of the pool.


09 January 2018

Don't call me a "girl"


Thank you Mayim, this subtle term to address women isn't cute, isn't endearing. It sends a clear message the men are in power and the women languish somewhere beneath them. I've seen men at work refer to 65 year old women as "girls". And to be honest I'm sure none of them mean to be offensive, it's an historical term that still seems to have a place in today's society. 

Let's keep the term girls for females who are actually girls - under 18, living at home, reliant on another for their personal welfare. 

I may not be roaring, but I am woman. 

Please have a listen xo 



07 January 2018

Advice on dying (from Holly Butcher)

A HEARTBREAKING letter written by a dying young woman is going viral after she passed away last week.

On the 4th of January Holly Butcher lost her battle with Ewing’s sarcoma, a rare form of cancer that affects mostly young people, at the age of 27.

Before she died, the Grafton woman penned a letter which she asked her family to post on her Facebook account once she was gone.

Here's the letter:

Holly Butcher
4 January at 07:16 ·

A bit of life advice from Hol:

It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females 🤔.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo

01 January 2018

No resolutions

You don't need a new year to make a new year's resolution. You need self-discipline, commitment and the strength to know that if anything is going to change, YOU have to be the change.

What the hell is a new year's resolution for anyway? Oooh look I'm going to quit drinking, or go to the gym, or lose weight.

Mate, you can quit drinking at any time on any day of the year.

With 24-hour gyms, you can also lift weights at 2am, without needing a new year's resolution.

When I quit smoking, it was 30 January 2011. I decided three days prior that I was done done done with smoking. Done with it controlling me, done with revolving my life around "when can I go have a fag". Done with limiting my social life because I didn't want to go to venues where I couldn't smoke. It wasn't the expense, it was the control.

The night before I gave up, I bought a fresh pack of 25 Benson & Hedges Fine and a $50 bottle of Hill of Grace Shiraz. The wine was gone long before the fags, but I persevered until 2.15am when I butted out the last one. I wiped the ashtray clean, threw out my lighters and bagged up the garbage and took it out.

I went to bed and woke up a non-smoker. And I stayed a non-smoker because I made a commitment to change. I didn't need a new year.

So if there's something in your life you want to see as different, decide NOW what you want to change, make a plan and put the steps in place.

Do the hard work. Nothing worth having comes easy, we all know that, but there's really no other way to achieve.

DO IT NOW.